It has been ages since I came here…I dont even remember the last time.
And honestly, its hilarious. Im different, and not only because I can feel it but I can see it, as well.
The last time I came here, I had so many regrets and wounds.
But now, I have scars that Im actually proud of but Ah! I also, have fresh wounds, which are constantly bleeding; but this time is different, I have a different way of thinking and Im willing to know how I got them, and how can I heal them. Now, Im more interested in the process, rather than the final result
Oh, but also Im starting to notice than not only I have wounds but that I have inflicted wounds, as well
I have always thought as myself as someone that can hurt someone and not notice at all. Call it airhead, dumb, you choose.
But 75% of the time I hurt people without realizing it, the other 25% is completely full with my killing intent haha
But its the truth, and Im such an idiot sometimes, that I can hardly believe it.
I guess I have no sensibility at all; but..I must admit that the wounds are making me sensible. And l would lie if I told you that it doesnt hurts, but hey, at least Im changing.
I promised myself that I would. You see, Im tired already.
Tired of hurting everybody with the way I act, the way I speak, the way I react, how I control things; tired of not trusting people;
just tired of it all
And Im trying to use the first law of thermodynamics to transform all my fatigue and tiredness into power of will to change.
And man its hard, but Im on my way…the hardest part is beginning, and Ive already begun.
It makes me happy, all of this. That Ive grown a milimeter. Im happy.
Im happy even if it hurts, but God, my family, my friends and the fact that Im changing not only for me but for them, makes this process waay more bearable